That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
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I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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