Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize
