I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Randomize
