I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
