WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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