I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
