I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
