you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
