you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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