he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
