I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
