maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
