I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
