oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
