i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
