yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
