Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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