What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
