I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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