Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
