Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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