He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
