we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
