I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
