I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
