so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
