Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize