U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
