Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
