When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
