Are we in a gay sports bar?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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