she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
