Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Randomize
