You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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