I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
