I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize