today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
This house was built for laser tag.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
