Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
