All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Can i not drive my cunt home
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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