oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
