What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
