Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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