Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
