did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
