apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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