thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
