The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
