I wanna passion pit in your ass
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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