you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
