I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
