Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
