the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Randomize
