I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
