The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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