I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
