i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want nice things and good sex
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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