So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
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it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
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Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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