these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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