The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
