Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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