Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
