let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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