In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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