you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
