please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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