just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
