so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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