I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
