he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
