Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
