Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
