No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
