I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
