I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
