I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
