I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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