Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
