just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
