2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Houston, we have a blender
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize