OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
