i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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