My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Can you bring me the toilet please
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
