pop tarts are not kleenex
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
